The Third Wheel
by caffeinekitty
Summary: No one ever said Shizuo and Izaya's first date would be easy. But neither of them thought it'd be this damn complicated.


**A/N :** A Christmas request fic for bloodyklreuz on LJ, who requested: _Let's have Shizuo realizing he might just like the louse, and deciding to go an build a better relationship with Izaya...But there's just one obstacle they have to overcome: Shinra. I'd like to see Shinra getting in between the two of them whenever the two try to spend time together. Bonus if Shinra is unaware that he is doing it/or if he is aware, I want his reason to be because he finds it hilarious to see the two getting frustrated with what he is doing._

* * *

><p><span>The Third Wheel<span>

Somewhere, in an upscale apartment in Shinjuku, a phone rings.

"No! Don't answer it!"

"It might be important, I can't—Oi! Give that back."

"It's not important. It's _him. _Again."

"Tch, no it's not. I blocked the number, remem… okay how the hell does he _do_ this? This is all your fricking fault, flea."

"My fault? How, exactly, is his creepy stalker tendency my fault?"

"Not that, all the goddamn ways he knows to bypass the call blocking. You're the one who knows about that stuff. But now you mention it, creepy stalker shit _is_ your thing. He probably picked up some bad habits from you hanging around too much."

"Oh? Shizu-chan paid attention to how much I was hanging around? Were you jealous?"

"W-who the hell would be jealous?"

"Then you're blushing for some _other _reason, ne?"

"Shut up."

The phone stops ringing. A nervous laugh fills the silence in its place.

"Maybe he heard you, Shizu-chan. And since I was about to say 'make me', then… we can think of better ways to pass the time, ne?"

"Heh… yeah, maybe one or two things, huh? Oi, wait…"

"…_Now_ what? Honestly, Shizu-chan, I'd never have had you pegged for one with performance anxiety. I mean I know I'm a tough audience, but—"

"Not that …You don't think he'd, y'know, come over or anything?"

"No. _No._ I mean, there wouldn't be a train this late, and it's not as though Celty would agree to drive him over… right?"

"Nah. Celty's probably beating him up right now for that phone call."

"Probably."

"…"

"…there is a nice hotel down the block. And this is a special occasion, ne?"

"Yeah. Wouldn't hurt to do something different, right? But you're paying."

"Gladly. Just one thing, Shizu-chan?"

"What's that?"

"Leave your phone, ne?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>~ Three Days (and a few hours) Earlier… ~<strong>_

If the whole thing had happened somewhere else, Shizuo would think later, then the entire fricking mess could have been avoided.

Probably.

But since everything seemed to happen at Shinra's place for some mysterious reason, and since that was about the only space he and Izaya could occupy at the same time without trying to kill each other – well, not since that first time and the thing with the door, but he could hardly be blamed for that since he'd known Izaya all of a few hours and the sneaky little shit had already tried to kill him twice – it just seemed… appropriate.

Or maybe there was just something about sitting there watching Izaya bitching while Shinra magicked away the results of another deathmatch through the streets of Ikebukuro that made him realize he didn't want to do that anymore.

"Oi, Izaya…" Sitting on the couch while Izaya sat at the counter, gingerly putting his shirt back on now that Shinra was finished and had disappeared somewhere for more supplies, Shizuo tilted his head to beckon the flea closer. "C'mere."

Izaya arched a brow suspiciously, though whether it was at the command or the use of his name for once, Shizuo couldn't tell. "I think I'll pass, Shizu-chan. I've been up close and personal with you enough for one day, ne?"

"I'm serious. I wanna talk to you."

"Talk?" Izaya blinked. "Are you sure? I mean, I wouldn't want your tiny protozoan brain to implode from the pressure on my account."

Shizuo narrowed his eyes. Sometimes, he really didn't know why the fuck he bothered. "Tch… don't you wanna do something other than run and get your ass kicked, flea? 'Cause I just… it's getting old, right?"

Despite his apparent misgivings, Izaya edged closer, looking skeptical and confused in equal measure. "Other things, like… what?"

If he'd actually planned this out, he might have come up with a brilliant suggestion. As it was, he stumbled through an awkward shrug as Izaya sat down at the other end of the couch. "I don't know… we could just hang out or something…?"

Izaya laughed a little. "Hang out? Is Shizu-chan asking me on a date?" As the moments of silence ticked by, however, the flea's amusement faded. "You're serious, aren't you?"

"Why the hell would I ask if I wasn't?" Shizuo scowled, looking away. "Tch, forget it. Just keep being an ass like you always are, 'cause all that's worked out really well for us so far."

"Well…" Izaya began, sounding amused in a whole new way. "How do you expect me to make that sort of decision when you haven't even told me where you plan on taking me?"

Shizuo glanced up. "I… kinda hadn't thought that far."

"Ah, Shizu-chan's such a romantic." Izaya sighed dramatically. "Honestly, I don't think I've ever received such a well-rehearsed confession…"

"Fine. The damn aquarium or something."

"The aquarium?" Izaya's laugh took on a hint of nervousness, but he chased it away with a dismissive wave of the hand so quickly, Shizuo wasn't sure whether he'd only imagined it. "Ah, but everyone goes to the aquarium, ne? You can do better than that, Shizu-chan."

"But you… wanna do this?"

"Ah, a change might do me good, ne? You're right about one thing, Shizu-chan…" Izaya watched him, eyes dark beneath a fringe of dark lashes. "The chase gets awfully boring if no one gets caught."

Half-turning to face the flea, Shizuo felt a tiny coil of tension loosen deep inside. The same tension that was so ever-present around Izaya, he only noticed the times it was missing. The one that was starting to wonder if maybe there was some other way. "Yeah…"

"But," Izaya held up one finger, the light glinting off the ring as he shifted a little closer, "on one condition. If you so much as _think_ about throwing something, then the whole deal's off."

Since the whole deal was meant to curb his need for throwing things in the first place, Shizuo couldn't argue much with that. "Fine. But you start plotting some shady crap or being a dick and the deal's off too."

Izaya smiled slowly, hands on the couch cushion between them as he inched a little more into Shizuo's space. One that was getting incrementally smaller the more Shizuo leaned in towards the flea. "You drive a hard bargain, Shizu-chan."

"Maybe. But I figure it'll be worth… uh…"

He had no idea when Shinra got there. Just that he was leaning his elbows the back of the couch, chin propped on his hands like a kid watching a cartoon, and a silly beamy grin on his face. Shizuo reined back the instinct to just punch him in the nose. After all, he was trying to show the flea he could turn over a new leaf, right? Smacking his sorta-friend in the face wasn't a good start.

"Uh… you want something?"

"No, no." Shinra shook his head. "Carry on."

"Okay." Shizuo nodded, turning back to Izaya, blinking once or twice at the bemused look on the flea's face. "…Wait, no it's not fricking okay! What the hell, Shinra?"

"Hmm?" Shinra peered at him, eyes wide and owlish behind his glasses. "Oh, did I disturb something?"

"Ye-!"

"No, it's nothing." Izaya shrugged, pulling back to the other side of the couch. "Shizu-chan was just finding new ways to threaten my well-being, that's all."

"Oi, flea-!" Shizuo protested.

"Oh, good." Shinra smiled brightly, circling the couch and dropping down to sit in between them, flicking through what looked like an appointments book. "While I've got you both here, I was checking my records and you're both due for your physicals." The doctor pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Actually you're both overdue." There was an almost-pout that should never be seen on a grown man's face. "You're not avoiding me, right?"

"Goddamnit, Shinra…!"

"Now, you can't be neglectful about your health, Shizuo." Shinra said sternly. "Okay, so all those other times I can't find any evidence that either your diet or your smoking is having any negative impact on you, but that doesn't mean it won't be _horrible_ this time! And you both have prostates like every other man, which means it needs to be checked just the same."

From the other end of the couch, Izaya made a quiet, strangled sort of sound.

"Oh, it's fine." Shinra shook his head. "I told you last time, it's perfectly normal for things like that to happen during the exam."

"Shinra…" There was a warning in Izaya's voice, like the low growl of a cat about to strike.

"The prostate is a sensitive gland," Shinra went on, recklessly brave or unbelievably stupid. "It's going to react to the smallest stimulation. Well…" With a smug little shrug, he smiled at nothing in particular. "If you're naturally talented like me, anyway. Tell him, Shizuo. We've had our fair share of little 'accidents', haven't we?"

"What? No!" Leaning around Shinra to catch Izaya's gaze – a pointless task seeing as the flea was half-covering his face with his hand and looking a little flushed – Shizuo shook his head. "Nothing like that _ever_ happened! Ever!"

"Oh, you two…" Shinra tutted softly. "Your bodies are nothing to be embarrassed about, you know. Oh…" Tapping his pen thoughtfully against his lips, he canted his head. "Now I'm wondering if you both respond so, um… enthusiastically because I'm telling you about each other's last exams while I'm conducting yours. Ah, that'd be sad though, I kind of liked thinking I was just that accurate…"

"Shinra, if you like breathing, now would be a good time to shut up, ne?"

"Wait, you tell him about me while you're… fuck, Shinra!"

"But it helps!" Shinra looked imploringly from one to the other. "If you can think of a quicker method to both carry out the prostate exam and get a sample out of the both of you, I'm all ears."

"But that's just…" At no other mortifying point in his life had Shinra's couch ever opened up and swallowed him, so Shizuo didn't hold out much hope this time. "Goddamit, perverted four eyes…!"

"What?" Shinra looked genuinely puzzled. "Was it meant to be a secret? But you were getting on so well earlier, I thought you'd probably already you know…" He beamed. "Done your own private prostate exams so—"

"Shinra!"

Ignoring Izaya's uncharacteristically flustered outburst, Shinra went back to his book. "But that doesn't mean you can forgo having a professional take a look, you know. Oh, okay, I have Saturday afternoon free. You'll both be okay with coming at the same time, right?" He paused, blinked, and laughed out loud. "Oh, no, I mean… well, yes, knowing the way you two react to your exams I meant that too, but you'll both be okay _attending _at the same time, right? Otherwise I can't see the other one of you until a week next Friday. Would that be okay with you guys instead...? Guys…?"

Izaya beat him on the race for the front door. Shizuo couldn't quite find it in himself to be pissed off.

"Saturday afternoon's no good for us." Izaya breezed over his shoulder as he darted down the hall. "Shizu-chan's taking me on a date then."

"He is?"

"I am?"

Izaya paused at the door, glancing back first at Shinra and his appointment book, and then Shizuo, who was pretty sure he was smiling stupidly despite having just been embarrassed enough to wish it'd work if he punched _himself_ out cold, but couldn't help himself. The flea nodded, a tiny shudder working its way delicately through his frame. He'd probably been thinking about the alternative activity for Saturday if Shizuo didn't agree.

"You are now."

* * *

><p>It wasn't as though he'd been looking forward to Saturday or anything, Izaya reminded himself as he strolled through Ikebukuro station on his way to meet the protozoan and subject himself to whatever Shizu-chan thought would be a good date. No, he <em>dreaded <em>it. It would be cheap and tacky and awful, and the only reason he was here was that it beat a prostate exam while listening to Shinra prattle on while he poked and prodded.

"_Shizuo's legs look so long and strong when he's on the exam table, you know. Oh, and did you know he has this cutest little birthmark on his left butt cheek? It's sort of shaped like a bunny. I mean, who'd have thought it, right?"_

Che… On second thought, murdering Shinra would have made for a far more entertaining day than either option.

But… well, he was a _little _curious as to what Shizu-chan might inflict on him. A little. And only curious. Not… excited in any way. There was no tiny flicker of an unknown anticipation fluttering in his stomach as he neared the platform where the blond had said he'd be waiting.

Waiting. For him.

And for a split second, Izaya didn't even recognize him. He couldn't remember seeing Shizuo in anything other than his bartender uniform or his high school uniform before. Dressed in jeans, a sweater, and an expensive looking jacket that Izaya deduced was both a gift from his brother and about the nicest thing the protozoan owned and therefore he'd dressed up _especially_ for the occasion, Shizuo looked…

Good.

_Che, I was going to say 'normal',_ he chided his own thoughts, _but you stick with that if you want to._

He tried not to notice the way Shizuo's eyes glinted when he approached. As though he hadn't expected Izaya to turn up at all, but would've whiled away the rest of the day waiting for him anyway.

"You came."

"Don't look so surprised, Shizu-chan." Izaya shook his head. "If Shinra is going to be hunting me down today, I'd rather be hanging around with a bodyguard than by myself, ne? And besides, I wanted to see what sort of effort you'd go to for a date."

"It's not a date…" Shizuo looked away. "Just… hanging out, right?"

If it looked like a date, sounded like a date, and forced people to get dressed up like they were going on dates, Izaya was inclined to believe it might be a date. Ah, but whatever made Shizu-chan get on with this torment was fine. "Just hanging out," he shrugged. "So, where are we just hanging out?"

"I, uh…" Shizuo scratched the back of his neck, "thought maybe we should go someplace else besides Ikebukuro. Y'know… just so people leave us alone?"

"Okay." Izaya nodded. That was… remarkably smart, and a little bit thoughtful. Maybe there was hope for the day yet. "What did you have in mind?"

Oh, and he really shouldn't have asked that, even if he couldn't possibly have predicted the way that boyish grin lit up Shizu-chan's face. "It's a surprise."

Izaya folded his arms across his chest. "I don't like surprises. Neither do people you take on dates, Shizu-chan. Especially not a first date. First dates should be dull and predictable, ne? Testing the waters."

"Ah, shut up," Shizuo grinned ferally at him, herding him towards the train carriage that had just arrived at the platform. "You just don't wanna enjoy yourself, flea."

After a good ten minutes, and several stops including the one he usually took when he traveled from Ikebukuro to Shibuya, with no indication from Shizu-chan that they'd be getting off any time soon, Izaya relented with a sigh.

"Fine, I'm surprised. Now tell me where we're—"

"Ah, Shizuo! Izaya! Over here!" A horrifically familiar voice called cheerfully from somewhere in the train carriage. Izaya blinked. Shizuo blinked back.

"Was that…?"

Izaya frowned, shaking his head. "No, it can't be. What would he even be _doing _here?"

"Yeah, we just… imagined it. Right?"

"Excuse me, coming through… excuse me…" Like they weren't already drawing enough attention just by being within a hundred foot radius and not trying to kill each other, Shinra seemed intent on ensuring the entire train was in on the joke. Waving wildly, he edged his way obliviously through the crowd. It wasn't as hard as it sounded; most of the commuters closest to them were already heading in the opposite direction to avoid the inevitable clash. "What a coincidence! I had _no _idea you two were going to be here, on this train, right now, today."

"Tch, no shit…" Shizuo grumbled, hands shoving in his pockets. Behind his glasses, an apologetic glance darted Izaya's way. "Sorry…"

Izaya failed to see what Shizu-chan thought he had to apologize for, when he was happily imagining stopping the train long enough to shove Shinra under it.

_Ah, that promise, ne? No throwing things. No displays of temper. Oh, Shizu-chan, do you really think you can manage that for a whole day with me?_

"We're going…" Izaya paused. "Actually I have no idea where we're going," he shrugged, coat sliding over his shoulders. "Ask Shizu-chan, ne?"

"Hmm?" Shinra looked between them. "Is this some new kind of fighting technique? Ah, you're not going to be tearing up Odaiba next, are you? I know it's had its struggles in the past with the economy and re-development, but it's really thriving again now!" The underground doctor turned Odaiba Tourism Board nodded enthusiastically. "It'd be a shame to damage it."

"What the hell are you doing going to Odaiba, hah?"

"Odaiba?" Izaya repeated. "We were going to Odaiba? What's in Odaiba?"

"Goddamnit, if one of you says 'Odaiba' one more time…" Shizuo grit his teeth, before taking a long shuddering breath to try and rein in his temper. "Yeah, that's where we were going too. I kinda figured we could hang out at the park, or ride the ferris wheel…"

"Shizu-chan…"

"I know, it's lame."

"No, it's… Well, okay it's a _little _lame, but…" Izaya couldn't help smiling. "For a protozoan, that's a pretty imaginative first date."

"Oh?" Shinra peered at them. "You're on a date?"

"Damn it, it's not a date!" Shizuo argued, just loud and pissed off enough for their half of the train to learn that, indeed, Shizuo Heiwajima and Izaya Orihara were, oddly enough, on a date. "We're just…"

"Hanging out." Izaya supplied. "I'm not entirely sure, but I think that's protozoan for 'yes, we're on a date'. I mean look at him, he dressed up and everything."

"Tch, shut up flea." Turning an embarrassed – and embarrassing – shade of red, Shizuo turned his uncomfortable ire on Shinra, ignoring Izaya's smug smile. "I wanna know why _you _need to be there too."

"Ah, well, I had a day off since neither of you wanted to keep your appointments, right? And you see…" Shinra began, suitably contrite with just a hint of morose. "I really want to do something like this with Celty some day."

"With Celty?" Shizuo tilted his head, and Izaya scowled inwardly at how easily the blond fell for those big grey puppy dog eyes and a sob story about his equally monstrous friend.

Shinra nodded. "You see, we can't just do the things other couples take for granted. We can't stroll arm in arm through the park at sunset, simply basking in the gloriously glory of our love and letting the world see how perfect and heartfelt it is. At least not in Ikebukuro. Because she's the Headless Rider, and I'm sure someone would come up to us asking for a photo, which would really spoil the mood."

"Almost as much as random conversations in the middle of people's dates, ne?" Izaya asked sourly.

"Yes, exactly!" Shinra nodded again. "It'd be horrible! I don't know how someone could do that! There we'd be trying to spend some quality time with each other, enjoying our love in the same way normal couples might, and we can't, because someone would be harassing us all the time." The doctor sighed mournfully. "But just once, I'd like to know how to feels, getting to experience something like that with my beloved. So I've been secretly looking around the city for places we could go and not be disturbed. As it happens, Odaiba and the ferris wheel was on my list next, and like I said, you two turned down the appointment for today and Celty's working, so…"

Izaya and Shizuo exchanged looks, both coming to the realization that it might be better to play along with Shinra and ditch his ass later.

"But this works out perfectly!" A timely tilt of the train slotted Shinra neatly between them. "You two can tell me what you think would be appropriate for Celty. Seeing as you're not on a date or anything, and just hanging out, right?"

Izaya snickered softly as Shizuo grumbled, glaring daggers at the carriage floor.

_You're such a pushover, Shizu-chan…_

"Yeah…" the blond muttered. "It's just hanging out."

* * *

><p>They spent two hours at the arcade when they got to Odaiba, during which time Shinra played every game like a seven year old, won a dozen tacky, useless prizes – including a plushie alien he was unwisely going to offer to Celty as some kind of desensitizing therapy; "Look at how cute it is, she can't be scared of this!" – and Shizuo and Izaya loitered around the periphery like bored parents while their over-exuberant child had a whale of a time.<p>

"Oh! This one next!" Shinra bounded past them cheerfully, pausing only long enough to dump the newest addition to his collection of junk onto Shizuo as he headed for a driving sim game. "Come on, one of you needs to be my challenger!"

"None of us drive, Shinra," Izaya said, sounding bored. At least he sounded awake; Shizuo couldn't tell anymore whether he was still conscious or having some godawful nightmare.

"Then we'll be on an equal footing! Come on, you can't be on a date unless you make a fool of yourself in some macho electronic duel! It's a known fact." Shinra nodded sagely. "So which one of you is it going to be?"

"Shizu-chan, of course." Izaya shoved him forward, taking Shinra's prizes from his hands. "I don't do pissing contests. Seems more of a beast thing to do, ne?"

"Goddamnit…"

"Ah, not even for me, Shizu-chan?" Izaya made an exaggerated play of fluttering his lashes. "You don't want to impress me with just how Neanderthal and masculine you really are? I mean, if you can't beat an almost-blind pervert, well…"

"Tch, fine." Snatching a handful of tokens from the pile Shinra had amassed – a pile that suggested they weren't getting out of here any time soon – he slammed a couple into the machine before trying to fit his legs into the damn seat. Obviously no one made this stupid thing for taller people, because to reach the pedals he had to sit with his legs half spread, and his elbows jammed into his knees every time he steered.

Or, well, every time he turned the wheel and the stupid thing on the screen went in a totally different direction. Seriously, there must have been something wrong with it. It was probably attached to some other game entirely, because damn it Shinra was not gonna beat him at some dumb kids arcade game—

"Oooh, fastest lap!" Shinra sounded elated. "Oops, is that you going down the slip lane the wrong way, Shizuo?"

"Shut the fuck up…!"

And he swore blind he might have stood a chance at making up for the lap – or three – he was behind, if slender arms with fur trimmed cuffs hadn't snaked around his shoulders from the back of the chair, and a warm puff of breath crested against his ear.

"If this was a real car, I'd have a trick or two to help you… _concentrate._"

"Fuck…"

"Mmm, not quite." Izaya purred. "But a blow-job would be doable, ne?"

"Oh, you don't want to do that." Shinra piped up from the side. "Celty and I were on her bike once, and we weren't even _doing_ anything, but that traffic cop started to chase us. I mean, we'd joked about doing things before, because she wouldn't even have to steer, you know? Shooter can just ride around and we could… anyway, we talked about it later and decided it's far too dangerous to do things like that in the city, because you never know who—"

The sound the game machine steering wheel made when it snapped free was loud enough to drown out the sound of the music and electronic beeping for a second. Shizuo's console spluttered to black, a white flat-line across the screen giving way to a flashing red "Error! Error!" message.

Izaya's arms tensed. "Shizu-chan?"

Still holding onto the disembodied wheel, Shizuo tried to force his fingers to unclench from the tacky feeling rubber. Tried to tell them they wouldn't feel much better clenched around Shinra's goddamn throat instead.

_Calm down. Just… breathe. Or it's game over, right? He'll be pissed and he'll go home, and even if Shinra's a pain in the ass at least the flea's still here…_

"Um…" Shinra smiled blithely, rubbing the back of his neck. "We should probably leave now, right?"

Shizuo's attempts to reattach the wheel enough to at least make it look like it hadn't been ripped off were to no avail; the damn thing kept dropping off every time. Giving up, he left it on the seat as he stood "Yeah. We're leaving."

Izaya sidled up to him as they slunk out of the arcade, waiting for the moment someone yelled "Hey, the driving game's been broken, lock all the doors!" and all the kids started pointing at them.

"If it's any consolation, Shizu-chan," the flea said, handing him back Shinra's treasure trove of tat. "I think you'd have won even without the whole cheating and destroying the machine tactic."

"Goddamnit, I wasn't cheating! The fricking thing just… broke!"

"Sure." Izaya nodded. "There's no need to try so hard to impress me, ne?"

"I wasn't—"

"Oh?" Shinra poked his head between them. "You have to impress on a first date, Shizuo! It's vital! I mean, you never get a second chance to make that good first impression, right? Ah, but I suppose that hardly counts with you two; you couldn't have made a worse first impression if you tried!"

Outside, the salty and faintly sour air of the bay was refreshing after the lights and noise of the arcades. Enough to clear his head of the urge to find out whether Shinra was skilled enough a doctor to extract his head out of his own ass after Shizuo punched it that far down. Across the flat expanse of the park that led to the water's edge in an open paved circle, an ice cream vendor's cart was parked. Okay, that was a first date thing, right – even though this wasn't a first date – eating ice cream together on a park bench as the late afternoon sun dipped a little lower in the sky?

"You, uh… want an ice-cream, flea?"

Izaya smiled indulgently. "Hmm… only if Shizu-chan accurately guesses my favourite flavour. That's entry level stuff for a first date, ne?"

"Ooh, I want melon flavour!" Shinra called from the water's edge, and some unknown reserve of will kept Shizuo from shoving him in. "Get me melon, Shizuo! Oh. I wonder which flavour Celty would choose if she could eat…?"

Shizuo headed for the ice-cream vendor before Shinra decided he needed to try all the flavours to try and settle on something Celty would like.

Ordering a vanilla for himself, and a melon for Shinra, he scowled at the other flavours on offer. How the hell was he supposed to know what Izaya wanted? Nothing too sweet… was there such a thing as a healthy ice cream? The closest thing was the black sesame flavour, so he went with that. Juggling the three cones on the way back towards the bench, his idle fantasies about playfully sharing ice cream with flea were dashed at the sight of Shinra sitting expectantly in the middle of the bench, making grabby hands at his own share of the spoils.

Sighing, Shizuo handed the other two their ice cream before retreating to his side of the bench, trying to pretend there wasn't a Shinra-shaped barrier between him and the flea. Tch, maybe it was just as well there was, it kept him from doing something stupid, like act on that dumb urge to daub a smear of ice cream onto Izaya's nose just to lick it off again.

"Well?" He asked gruffly, looking away to cover up the blush. "Did I get it right?"

"It's okay," Izaya shrugged noncommittally. "Not my favourite, but—"

"What are you talking about, yes it is." Shinra chuckled, licking his own ice cream with determined relish. "You used to throw a fit in middle school if you came back to my place and we didn't have some in the fridge for you. Well, your kind of fit, which usually meant you were bitchier than usual and then you'd storm out saying you'd buy your own on the way home then."

"…Shinra!"

"You know," Shinra sighed, turning to Shizuo. "I blame myself for a lot of thing that happened back then, not least of which that I could have tried harder to curb his horrible taste in… well, everything. Present company excluded. And I swear he's only so obsessed with money because we made him buy his own ice cream…"

Izaya coughed, pressing the heel of his hand to his forehead. Brainfreeze or just a natural limit for listening to Shinra, Shizuo couldn't tell. They both probably felt about the same. "I am not obsessed with money! And my taste is just fine, thank you. It's not my fault if you're all content to settle for mass-produced consumer trash rather than forge your own unique style, ne? Even Shizu-chan comes across as more daring than you, Shinra, and he just wears that ugly uniform every day."

"Oi! At least I don't prance around in a furry-ass coat."

"Not a furry ass." Izaya pointed out. "Just a furry hood, and furry cuffs, and…" All their gazes strayed to the edging of tan fur along the hem of the jacket, currently tucked neatly right under Izaya's ass. "Che. Shut up, Shizu-chan."

"You fucking started it."

"Ah, so mature. As to be expected from a protozoan, ne?"

"Hey, come on…" Shinra began nervously. "No fighting yet. We still haven't ridden the ferris wheel!"

Standing at the base of said ferris wheel a few minutes later, Shizuo couldn't help wondering whether it might've been a good idea to do the ice cream thing _after_ this. He didn't give a crap about heights; Sunshine 60 was a hell of a lot higher than this thing, but unless there was one hell of a quake going on, Sunshine 60 wasn't gonna be swaying like that.

Once their carriage arrived – and once he and Izaya were done arguing over whether they were gonna take the blue one or the red one – he and the flea sat at opposite ends, about as far apart as they could get without one of them hanging off the side. Shinra stood between them, peering excitedly out of the windows as the car began to rise on its arm.

"Aaah, Celty would love this! Did you know, that despite being called a fairy, dullahans aren't anything like the generally accepted image of a fairy. No wings, can't fly… so she'd be really excited to see the city from up here, don't you think?"

Shizuo's stomach gave a little lurch as the car began to lift higher. "Uh… yeah, probably."

"And it's so romantic…!" Shinra all but swooned. "Ah, you two don't mind me, you do your… you know, lovey-dovey thing. Just pretend I'm not here. Oooh, is that Sunshine 60? Oh." A disappointed sigh. "No. Just some other building… Ah, and I thought I could almost see my Celty from here…"

As Shizuo tried to tune out Shinra's babbling and adjust to the unsteady rocking of the carriage, Izaya eyed him suspiciously. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Just… kinda like being on solid ground is all."

"This was your idea, ne?" The flea smiled a little. "Pushing yourself too hard and puking on your date's shoes is hardly what a memorable first date is made of, Shizu-chan. Well, unless you want it memorable for all the wrong reasons."

Smiling wryly, Shizuo inclined his head towards Shinra, who was now looking to all the world like one of those dogs who stuck their heads out of car windows and just… panted, happy enough just to be watching the world go by. Lucky dumbass bastard…

"Wrong reasons like fricking gatecrashers?"

The carriage swayed a little when Izaya stood, sitting next to him on Shizuo's side instead. "Well, think of it this way, Shizu-chan… if we can tolerate each other with that sort of annoyance in the way, then the next one will be better, ne?"

"Next one?"

"Hmm." Placing a hand on the seat next to Shizuo's, Izaya stretched his fingers until the tips of their pinkies barely brushed. "Uninvited guests aside, it wasn't _as_ much of a disaster as I expected. When he's not pissed off and throwing things, Shizu-chan has the makings of someone's doting boyfriend some day."

"Tch, that's cause he…" Shizuo shook his head. "That's cause _I _kinda tolerate you better when you're not being an asshole."

"Then you'd better make the most of the opportunities you have to enjoy it, ne?" Izaya let their fingers overlap briefly, before sliding back to his own side of the car with an enigmatic smile. "Because it doesn't happen often."

By the time the ride was done and they were back on solid ground – unfortunately still with Shinra, but Shizuo just couldn't come up with any plausible reason why he would've been flung full pelt out of the carriage and into the sea – the ferris wheel was lit up like a carnival against the darkening sky, alternating colours fading to a pastel rainbow before melting into bright blue and pink.

But far more mesmerizing was watching the flea stare at it, head uptilted, a small smile playing on his lips. Izaya _never _looked innocent, but he looked pretty damn human in that moment.

_He'd be pissed off if I kissed him now, right?_

He didn't care anymore whether Shinra was watching. Whether the whole damn _world_ was watching. That same feeling that had welled up at the doctor's apartment when he realized he didn't want to beat Izaya up anymore was fluttering in his chest again, just like the lights of the ferris wheel were dancing on the flea's profile, reflecting in his eyes, hypnotic as a swirling carousel.

"Oi, Izaya…"

"Mmm?"

A wary look crossed the flea's eyes, but he didn't flinch as Shizuo brushed the back of his fingers against Izaya's cheek. He just leaned into the touch, eyes heavy lidded, lips parting slightly, and Shizuo's breath caught as he found himself leaning in—

"Oh no!" Shinra cried, sounding as distraught as if the world was ending. Feeling his fingers stiffen against Izaya's cheek, Shizuo tried to work the tension out of his jaw long enough to speak.

"The fuck is it _now_?"

"I left Celty's alien on the ferris wheel!" The doctor began marching towards the entrance for the ride again. "We're going to have to go on it again!"

Izaya caught his hand before Shizuo could withdraw it entirely, a devious look glimmering in his eyes.

'Want to?' that look asked, while Shizuo's grin answered, 'Fuck, yes.'

Whether Shinra turned or yelled at them as they fled, hands still linked even though Shizuo couldn't tell who was doing the leading and who was just being dragged along, he had no idea. By the time they reached the train station, the only thing that mattered was that, for the first damn time that day, they were alone without a chaperone.

Catching his breath as the train departed the station, he couldn't help laughing at how screwed up the whole thing had been.

"Good thing this wasn't a date, huh flea? Cause it'd have been the crappiest one in history."

"Ah, I don't know, Shizu-chan…" Izaya smiled slyly. "After all, the day's not _quite_ over yet, ne…?"

* * *

><p>"Celty, I'm ho~me!"<p>

Closing down her laptop, the dullahan padded out of the office on slippered feet, only to be greeted by a six inch bug-eyed alien shoved right where her nose would be. Backing up, her shadows flailed at it, convinced for a split second that the invasion had somehow passed hey by while she'd been lurking in the Dollars forum reading outraged and confused posts about how the Beast of Ikebukuro and "that smarmy informant guy" were seen out together on a date.

"Surprise!" Shinra beamed from the other side of the ugly little plushie. "I told you I'd get you a present if you let me go play gooseberry for the day, didn't I?"

[I thought you'd get me something good! What kind of present is this?] Tendrils of smoke gingerly held up the creepy little alien. [I don't want to keep seeing this accidentally. We're leaving this in your bedroom. That way I won't _ever _have to look at it again.]

"Celty~!" Shinra whined, following her back into the office, dropping down into his desk chair with a sigh and a stretch. "Don't be mean to me, I've had a rough day. They abandoned me at Odaiba and I had to make my own way home. _And _I had to make sure no one tried mugging me for all the prizes I won. Oh, but I got to ride the ferris wheel twice, so it wasn't all bad. You really should come with me next time."

[Wait, they _actually_ let you come along on their date? Really?]

"Yep. Welcomed me, even. We had a great day! Well, aside from the whole ditching me at the end of it part, but that was only a tiny blip."

Celty paused. Shinra beamed.

[Okay, I give. How did you get them to agree for you to tag along?]

"How?" Shinra blinked innocently. "I lied, obviously."

[Shinra!] A black tendril of shadow smacked his arm. [You're a horrible friend!]

"Awww, Celty~! Don't be like that! I cherish my friends, so much so that I'd be slacking off in the being a great friend department if I didn't, you know… make sure they were dating someone suitable." Shinra nodded sagely. "Vetting potential mates; it's what good friends do."

[But you know them both already!]

"Ah, but do we, Celty? Do we really?"

[…Huh?]

Clutching his hands to his chest, Shinra sighed dramatically. "Love changes a person. It can bring out aspects of someone's personality that even their closest, dearest, most-cherished friends might never have seen before, for better or worse."

Celty's smoke cocked wryly to one side. [So you're saying I'm to the reason you're an embarrassing idiot?]

"Yes!" Shinra nodded vehemently, pointing at Celty in a gesture better suited to a game show hostess announcing she'd won the super-duper grand prize. "As expected of my Celty to understand my intentions perfectly. So you see, it's our duty as friends to see what strain a relationship can tolerate. Well, that and it's _really_ funny to watch them get all irritated. How I'm not at the bottom of the bay right now is beyond me. Maybe they both have more restraint than we ever thought? See, I told you, we're seeing a whole new side to them! It's adorable. And it's really, really funny."

[That's not funny in the least!]

"Come on, I saw you smiling!"

[Well… maybe a little. But only at the thought of them riding the ferris wheel together!]

"And eating ice cream." Shinra nodded. "And trying to pretend they couldn't wait to ditch me and run off to bed together. Ah, it's admirable that they held out so long! I was drowning in sexual tension, Celty! Drowning!"

Celty's shadows shivered. […Okay, that was one image too far, Shinra.]

"Admit it, you think they're adorable too. Ah, and imagine how peaceful it'll be around here if they're not kicking each other's asses, they're—"

[Shinra!]

"Okay, okay… Hmm, they're probably back in Shinjuku by now, right?" Shinra smiled a gleeful, devilish smile, reaching for his phone. "I really should check in and see if they're getting up to things they shouldn't be."


End file.
